There are 3nuns around the bed, Sister Blandina would go through the same ritual every night, by lifting up her outer habit, which she then buttoned up around her waist. Her sleeves had a tag on the end of them, and a button on the top of her habit, in which she fasten her tag to. Then the thrashings began. She used a whip like cane, which was very thin at the end she used on my body, she use hula hoops, which were cut in half, and her big buckle belt, which she wore her rosary beads on. It was not the flat part of the belt, which she hit me with, it was the buckle. It would cut into my skin and I could not sit down for weeks afterwards. The other two nuns, were there to hold me down more, when ever I tried to get away.
"What on earth have I done now?"
While they are hitting me they are saying.
"We have to get the devil out of you. You are like your Mother."
We then had to knell in a row and asked for forgiveness and say I was sorry. I could not move, let alone know why I was punished. Even if I had my period, I was stripped of my clothes. This went on for a long time every night. when we were in the bathroom just before bedtime, I would hide behind the other girls, so as the nuns could not see me.
I could not cry any more, the pain was there. I would scream for the nuns to stop thrashing me and kept begging them not to hurt me. I was on my knees, while the nuns would have both my hands and pulling me on to the bed. I was saying,
"I'll be good." "I won't do it again." "I'll be good." "I didn't do it." "It wasn't me." "I'll be good."
No one helped me. I learnt to keep everything inside of me. I could go to no-one for help, if I did I would be put across the bed again.
My clothes were always taken off me and I was always tied to the bed. I was the only one they tied to the bed and I think it was because I fought back and tried to get off the bed every time and that was why they started to tie my hands and feet to the bed.
I would get on my hands and knees and roll up in a ball then they would tie my hands behind my back and pull me on to the bed. I would scream as loud as I could and after a while I just lie there and I am sure that I pass out some night.
God those nuns have a lot to answer for and as I have gone though this year after year with you and as more of it comes into my mind I begin to be bitter with them. I was not an animal and that is how I felt, they treated me like I was one. I hate them and the priest for wrecking my life and my childhood.
After the lights went out Sister Blandina would walk up and down the aisles of beds and call out.
"Put up your hands who's awake.!"
Whoever put their hands up she would then proceed to whack us on our knuckles. After some years I became wise to this and stopped putting my hand up. I put my hand up, because she use to look at us and would pull our sheet off the bed, to wake us up. So I would rather get whacked across my knuckles, than tied to the bed naked and be thrashed with her belt.
Suicide Attempt.
When I was 12years old, I tried to commit suicide by jumping out of our dormitory window, which was on the 2nd floor of Nazareth House, I did not want to live any more, the police did not help me so what was the use of my life at Nazareth House. No one wanted me and I was no body's child. I could not open the windows high enough, because I could not get the piece of wood out, which was nailed, above the bottom window, so I could not pull it up to open it higher. Oh god I tried so hard to pull that window open. I had to get ride of the pain, I was hurting so much. Not a day went by, that I was not beaten. I had to stop it and I saw this as the only way, to kill myself.
Did the nuns already know, that the girls had tried to take their lives?
How many girls before me, had tried to be with the angels, so as their pain and torment would end.