Since then I have taken night mares and also sleep walk. You took my trust that I had for some of the other nuns away. I could not talk to boys because I was always looking for something, bad to happen to me.
"Did you know that God could see you hurting me?
If I had not had Jesus and Mary to talk to I am sure that I would have not survived.
You were so cruel to me. I was just a little girl with no one to help me.
The worst thing about it was that you were so big and tall. I could do nothing to save myself from you.
I do not feel any hatred for you, I just feel sorry for you, because you took all of your hate on me.
I know I was a very sick child when I was little. Was it my weakness you did not like-about me?
"Did you know the fear you put into me?”
I was so frighten of the nuns and the older girls. That I would hide or ran to the church every time I saw any of you.
"Why did you hate me and -my Mother so much?
What had she done to you for you to treat me like a criminal?"
The way you did.
"Was it because she had me when she was 16 years old.?
She was just a child herself I think that she was a very brave girl, to go though with it at all.
You had no right to say the Hurtfu1 things to me About her. I Loved her and always hoped that one day I would be able to see her.
I sit here to night and the memories of the hate you had for me still make me cry. I wonder why God did not stop you, because he said that he loved us all. I asked him to help me and to give me strength, so as I could take the pain, the hurt and the hate that you had for me. You were .so violent towards me. I had no friends as I was growing up. WHY!
Because I was scared that I would make the wrong ones, if I did. That I would turn out to be like my Mother. That was because I did not know what she had done wrong.
It was not until I was twenty-four years old, when I found out about her. I was torn apart to think, because of her having a baby, That you all took it out on me. I was a baby and I am still in torment and pain.
The nuns had no right to ill treat me the way they. did. I am still hurting. You took- From me - my mind and made me Feel that I was bad. When all the time I was punish for being ME.
Will this pain ever leave me?
I wish that I had the will power to -stand up for myself Then none of this would have happened to me. Or if I did, would I have been sent to the bad girls home too, like some of the other girls, who tried to protect themselves.
BORSTAL.
I heard that it was just like jail and even worst. POOR GIRLS. They were so brave.
Some of the girls were sent to Mount Magdala .and Sunnyside Hospital, when they were old .enough. There was nothing wrong with them. Just that the nuns had nowhere to send them to. They weren't bad.
My Mother was RAPED, when she was 15years old. You had no right to use my mother and God's name to abuse me, with such hate, that I saw in your eyes.