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Awareness, and to Stop Child Sexual Abuse and Child Abuse, committed by the catholic church, nuns and priest
and other Denomination Worldwide

Please be advised that some may find stories here Highly Uncomfortable & Upsetting to read.
" You shall Know the Truth and the Truth Will Set You Free.”

Timaru 2nd suicide attempt 19years old

I was sent to Timaru to work with a family who had seven children and they then had another one, soon after I was there. I was given a child's old fashion school case with a little handle and inside was a pair of knickers and a nightie. That was all I had for the 19years I had with them, nothing else, not even a tooth brash, for cleaning my teeth. 

I was put on the train and had to find my way there by myself. I was frightened because there were so many people around me, so I just sat in one spot and would not leave, until I heard the train conductor call out Timaru, you see I could not read the signs as they came past the train windows.  

If it was not for the conductor walking through and calling the names out as he came closer to each station. I would never had got off. Well if the truth be known I could not read anyway I was so ashamed of myself.

I did not want to go to Timaru, I was there once before when I was 15years old and a priest raped me. I had no say in where I was going, you went to were ever the nuns told you to go to. We were all sent far away from each other, so as we could not see or talk to your friends. I was so lonely and frightened, but did I work hard for this family of 10 people.

I shared the same bedroom as Mary the oldest girl and I had nightmares every night and sleepwalk, it was so bad that after some months I was put on the closed-in veranda, and that was were I stayed until I left.

I was always scared that the priest would come back and do to me what he did. the first time I was in Timaru. I could not get the priest out of my mind, so one day while I was washing the dishes, I broke a large dinner plate in half, in the water and then I slashed my right wrist, once I saw the blood I run and got a babies nappy and tied it around my wrist as tight as I could and then ran over to their next door neighbors as the blood was pouring out. She took me straight to Timaru hospital where I stayed for two weeks or more. The doctor kept asking me if I was trying to kill myself I told him no, as I did not want to go to Sunny-side hospital, I had heard so much about it and that you will never get out of there, it was for the mad people and that I was not. I just want the pain to go away and this was the only way I could see, to stop these bad things from happening to me.

I was alone, I had no one I could go to, to tell me what I was going through, I am sure that I had, had a brake down, but did not know it. I was scared of every one around me, I could not talk to any one, I thought that they would laugh at me, I trusted no one and this is how my life is still. I am a prisoner in my own home.

We were sent as far away from each other  and were not told where we were going to. We were not allowed to get in contact with each other, we were lost souls crying ever night, we were so alone with no one to talk to. I was there for a year and what kept me going was work, I had never in my life worked the way I did at this family home. You see we were in high demand for everyone one, they knew we could work and everyone called on the orphanages children to work for them and we were used just like the nuns used us. How does a person ever learn about LOVE and KINDNESS?? when all that she has learnt from her childhood and her teenage years, was nothing but hate and work, until she drops. It is so hard.